they don't know more than i show.
i'm listening to that song.
and i can't sleep, as usual.
my body is tired, but my mind is not, as usual.
i'm worrying about things that i cannot control, as usual.
i am completely crashing.
and aching for what feels normal.
i am worried.
i feel that things will never be the same.
i'm worried for my family.
i'm worried for my heart.
i'm worried for everything important in my life.
and i feel like it's falling apart.
and things aren't improving.
and i'm worried about THE STUPIDEST STUFF IN THE WORLD.
stuff that can't even compare to the REAL crap i'm going through.
like aching to be away from here.
aching to be in dc.
accepting that i likely won't be going to yankee stadium this year.
even something as simple as watching my beloved yankees - i don't even have the time allotted for that anymore.
needing a hair cut. desperately. but just not having the time to myself.
wanting to cook a home cooked meal and dessert...and stop living off not eating or having to get stuff from out.
wanting to stop pushing everyone away.
just. wanting. normalcy.
i typically don't get personal on here.
but i'm learning that instead of hiding it...
sometimes it's okay
to admit that you're not okay.
and i'll probably delete this when i wake up.
because i don't want a mess of comments saying "i'm sorry"
i just want a little good news.