Tuesday, June 29, 2010

they don't know me,

they don't know more than i show.

i'm listening to that song.

it's 4am.

and i can't sleep, as usual.

my body is tired, but my mind is not, as usual.

i'm worrying about things that i cannot control, as usual.

i am completely crashing.

and aching for what feels normal.

i am worried.

i feel that things will never be the same.

i'm worried for my family.

i'm worried for my heart.

i'm worried for everything important in my life.

and i feel like it's falling apart.

and things aren't improving.

and i'm worried about THE STUPIDEST STUFF IN THE WORLD.

stuff that can't even compare to the REAL crap i'm going through.

like aching to be away from here.

aching to be in dc.

accepting that i likely won't be going to yankee stadium this year.

even something as simple as watching my beloved yankees - i don't even have the time allotted for that anymore.

needing a hair cut. desperately. but just not having the time to myself.

wanting to cook a home cooked meal and dessert...and stop living off not eating or having to get stuff from out.

wanting to stop pushing everyone away.

just. wanting. normalcy.

i typically don't get personal on here.

but i'm learning that instead of hiding it...

sometimes it's okay

to admit that you're not okay.

and i'll probably delete this when i wake up.

because i don't want a mess of comments saying "i'm sorry"

i just want a little good news.


SabinePsynopsis said...

Oh hun, there are days (and nights) like these; and I guess studying medicine isn't easy (you do, don't you?). Hope you are feeling better already. xoxo

SabinePsynopsis said...

so sorry, it's not medicine, law I mean. Stupid me!! (You do, don't you ;-)

The Favour Shoppe said...

{{{hug from Canada}}

Maddy said...


I don't know what else to say except that I'm here for you if you ever need to just get away for a little bit or for anything at all, really. I can't imagine what you're going through, but I know it can't be easy. Take care of youself (as best as you can). xoxo!

Josie said...

Dear girl, I wish that there was anything that I could possibly say. We're here, as always.
xo Josie

Dear Danielle said...

We're always here :) keep your chin up

Jennifer Fabulous said...

I am so sorry you are going through such a rough patch right now. :(
Your blog is so fabulous and you are always so cheerful, I really had no idea!
I feel the same way about a lot of these things, especially the worrying part. It's so easy to stay awake in the middle of the night and obsess over everything that is wrong. During the day we are too busy to really focus on it all...
Just remember that you are simply going through a rough patch and it is temporary. Things will get better. It just takes time.
I like that you reached out to us. We're your friends and you should.
We are always here for you, girl! BIG HUGS!! xoxo

hiyaluv said...

girlfriend! HUGS!

Ashley said...


This is me every night. You aren't alone, just know that! If you ever need anyone to talk to late at night, I'll be on Twitter - @BreakfastatSaks


Le Sigh of a Fashionista said...

*Hugs* sweet girl, hang in there.

pelt said...

I think many of us can relate to feeling like this. I think its great that you are open enough to share it with us. I hope we all get the good news we are waiting for, ... just have to keep at it I guess. Know that life always has ups and downs.. so many times that we can not control. Wish all the best for you.. and clarity in the hardest times.


Audrey Allure said...

Hope today is better for you!

Nubiasnonsense said...

*hugs* Feel better! I hope things look up for you

Rosie Unknown said...

*virtual hugs and warm chocolate chip cookies headed your way* I'm so sorry that things aren't going well for you. If you ever need a shoulder to lean on, I'm here. The only thing I can say is this: it will get better. Eventually, life will take a turn for the better, and all you can do is try to survive the tough times with minimal damage.

Adele said...

When do you sleep :( lol

- Adele

gigiofca said...

I think inevitably the deep stuff comes out in blogs. We're human. I hate sorrys, too, because it implies that someone did something wrong. So I'm not sorry. But I am here to say things never stay the same. They always change. That's one thing you can count on. You may not see that right now, but the good is always waiting for you in the future. That I know for sure. ((huggies))

..Lika. said...

♥ cute blog ♥


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